Reminder for the New year

by Jay Coral

You know what?
I heard the same thing
the same echo in the bottom of the well.

I caught the same glimpse
of shadows playing tricks
at the mouth of the cave.

And i threw the same rock
but the mountain hit me back
on my own hard head.

What do i know?
I will stomp my feet again
at chances the wind blow me by.

Maybe in desperation
I will pull my hair
and go "ahh" at the love that i dream
and lost in the thick of time.

And the dust
that i will smear my face
because of another year
because of another lesson learned.

I just know
that one day, yes - one day
i will grow up.

Christmas 2008

Christmas has come and gone and in the midst of all the cheers, i would say i became an office fixture on the past week. I have slept in the office dorm for three nights, a choice i made so i can work some overtime hours and perhaps in my secretly subconscious side - so i can be preoccupied and not have to worry about being in a celebratory mood with my family. My mum had taken a bus to be with my sister in Las Vegas and i don't really have the enthusiasm to celebrate it by myself nor with my relatives, so i opted to work a double shift on Christmas day.

So you may be asking, "what kind of office opens on Christmas day?". I work on a law enforcement office, a facility that needs coverage twenty four hours a day, and yes, including the holidays.

What is the spirit of Christmas? We have different answer to this yearly question, and accordingly, we have different definition by the priorities and situations we are in. We have our last family gathering in early december and suffice it for me to say, that that is a wonderful all-in-one holiday for the season. A recognition of how satisfying our family meeting gives me a special comfort and i am jolly thankful that that feeling has carried its momentum. In a not so unusual pattern, it is somehow apparent that suicides and depressions are very high during this particular holiday.

Spending Christmas in the office is not so bad and is not so much devoid of a festive atmosphere. We have colorful decors, shining lights and musical toys; we also have our own little party, free smiles, free foods, tons of chocolates and even kids running about and opening their presents. And most of all, it is nice to savor one of those rare days when i just have to sit through and wait leisurely until the end of my shift, and still have the energy to catch a late night movie.

A lot of quality movies open on Christmas day (in comparison to blockbuster and less substantial movies during the summer) but not a lot anticipate them on the first day of its showing. Maybe it is the weather because i have to brave the wet and frosty night, and as i soon found out, i was the "only" one in the movie theater. The movie - "The Reader", a story about a Nazi woman guard who convicted herself of war crimes because she is ashamed to admit that she is an illiterate during her trial. Protecting the truth and at the same time weighing the reward and punishment is his former lover, a heartbroken soul who redeems himself by sending a personal recording of her favorite books, which eventually push her to self-taught herself into literacy.

For all my bold effort and holiday distracting, the movie has a lot of visual and emotional equivalent from it book version, and i was not disappointed at any rate of being reminded again as i see a lot of myself on that "heartbroken" character - a not so spirited but a spiritual sort of self-reflection on Christmas day.